ILLEGAL ALIENS – 94

Professor B, continues his story how he has was like James Bond and found the “Super Secret Mega Metronome Technique” and escaped like a ninja.

Ninjas are badass.

I mean, who doesn’t love ninjas?

When I was about 10 years old, my brother and I were jumping off the couch doing highflying kicks like Leonardo and Michelangelo, right after we finished watching 1990’s Ninja Turtles flick which was the best one by the way.

I had an awesome idea. “Hey, dude let’s go to the corner liquor store and buy those plastic ninja swords and get one of those foam nunchucks”.

So, I asked my Ma if we can run on down the liquor store and pick up these cool ninja weapons. My mom hated the Ninja Turtles by the way. She thought they were the devil. And of course, she said, “No Way, José!”

After a few days of moaning and groaning and bugging mom to get us cool plastic ninja weapons, she finally caved.

The very next day we ran down to the corner liquor store grabbed a few tamarindo candies, jolly ranchers and picked up the cool plastic ninja weapons. But there was an issue.

They didn’t have the cool foamy nunchucks. Crap!

My bro was excited with his plastic swords and I was just sitting there frustrated trying to figure out where I can get my chucks. There was a mop in the kitchen with a cool wooden handle I wanted to cut up with a kitchen knife, but my ma stopped me before I turned the blade into a butter knife.

The following day, my Ma happened to swing by a small wood factory by our house that had an open dumpster with a bunch of discarded wood. Feeling bad about the day before she jumped in like a bum and grabbed a few pieces. Moms are cool sometimes.

She arrived home and surprised me with these wood pieces that were almost perfect for nunchucking. I pulled all my 10-year-old knowledge and expertise and crafted the perfect nunchucks for a little kid.

Not those stupid plastic foamy ones at the corner liquor store.

Testing them out, I was doing my ultimate 1990’s TMNT movie Michelangelo impression, I swung the nunchucks over my head and accidentally konked the back of my head and knocked myself out with a big ass bump on my head.

I was crying like a little girl and my mom rushed in grabbing the chucks and tossed them in the garbage can and nursed me to health.

I did recover after that. But all I was thinking of was my nunchucks, I wanted them back and I still wanted to be Bruce Lee.

A few days later I found them in the dumpster. And started twirling away like always.

Yes, I was a dummy.

Lesson Learned

“If you really want something then don’t wait for anybody, go out into the world and make it happen!”

Roland of Aragon (Fellow Chucker)